Friday, May 26, 2006

Offshoring’s latest offshoot. Fat of(f) the land.

Just yell “Cease and desist, dude!” if you’ve read this hush-hush outsourcing joke before. “The United States is rapidly outsourcing obesity to India and hopes to shed as many as three trillion pounds of unsightly cellulite annually, President George W. Bush announced today.” Sounds too devious to be his brainwave? Listen to how he explained the diabolically clever plot to the U.S. Chamber of Commerce in Milwaukee: “most of the millions of jobs outsourced since [I] was elected President were extremely sedentary”. “In the long run, the weight loss more than makes up for the job loss,” is the President’s unrepentant justification. According to the writer of this exclusive story who is no other than the irrepressible Andy Borowitz: “Indian President A.P.J. Abdul Kalam recently said in a nationally televised address that India was ‘in the throes of a Supersizing epidemic,’ adding that ‘the time has come for the Indian people to decide whether or not they want to look like Dick Cheney’.” Wonder how I omitted seeing this not-to-be-missed telecast. Oh, to be an idiot-box addicted couch potato! (Please look for the 7 April 2004 article: ‘U.S. OUTSOURCES OBESITY TO INDIA’.)

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