Ten. Far better than Tolkien.

Lord Vishnu sounds like quite a brainy god. Look at the functionally appropriate forms he assumed in his dasavataras or ten reincarnations. In other words, if the task was, say, to bring up a sinking earth from the depths of the ocean, he would promptly become a tusked boar. My first introduction to it was as a child when we used to chant the Dashavatara Aarati to my khelacha (play) Ganapati at 233 Khetwadi Main Road. http://tinyurl.com/4ywmwm. Lord Vishnu, the Preserver in the Brahma-Vishnu-Mahesh Trinity, would arrive among his true believers (bhaktas) having assumed what I described earlier as a "functionally appropriate form" to restore the balance between good and evil, he told Arjun in Bhagvadgita (iv, 7 -8). http://tinyurl.com/3jb5xb. When the asuras stole the Vedas, Vishnu assumed the form of a fish (matsyavatara) to save Manu, the primordal human being, from the Great Flood. In the kurmavatara (Vishnu as tortoise), he carried the sinking Mount Mandara on his back during the churning of the ocean to find the divine nectar, the so-called amrit. Enter Hiranyaka next. This demon misbehaved or sinned so much that the earth was unable to bear the load of his wrongdoings and literally did the sinking act. The ever-alert Preserver immediately put on his tusked boar form (varahaavatara) to prevent the calamity. Another demon king with a similar-sounding name, Hiranyakasipu, his twin brother, terrorised the devotee Pralahada. The Preserver had no option but to assume narasimhavatara (the man-lion form) because the perpetrator of the atrocities had a boon that he could be killed by neither man nor animal. A combo could however do the trick. A part of the boon also was that he could not be killed on land, water or air, in day or night, inside or outside his abode. So, Vishnu placed him on the man-lion's lap (neither land, water or air) at dusk (neither day or night) and at the entrance of the house (neither inside nor outside). The first four distinctly anthropomorphic avataras were in the satya or krita yuga. The next four happened in the treta yuga and the dwapara yuga. http://tinyurl.com/4r9g3e. The fifth avatara was the dwarf son (Vamanavtara) born to Kashyapa, one among the Saptarishis, and Aditi, the daughter of Agni, the Fire God. I wrote about his conquest of the all-powerful King Mahabali here: http://tinyurl.com/4p6btu. Vamana tricked him into surrendering his kingdom comprising heaven, earth and underworld by requesting for a plot of land admeasuring his diminutive three steps to which the generous king readily agreed. Vamana then regained his viraat swaroop (the original gargantuan form) and occupied the entire kingdom. (By the way, Mahabali happened to be the fourth direct descendent of Hiranyakasipu. Please see above.) So far, the Preserver was involved with fighting the demons. The sixth avatara (Parsurama) though, went after the human Kshatriya warriors. And, that too twenty one times. Yes, twenty one. They must have been up to big mischief, to be sure. In the next two episodes of Ten that reputedly took place at the cusp of the treta yuga and the dwapara yuga, Vishnu switched back to looking after the humankind as Rama who got rid of the ten-headed rakshasa, Ravana and Krishna who did likewise to Kamsa. Lord Buddha is most likely the next avatara in which case it occured in the kali yuga. Not everybody agrees with this version, though. They take Balarama, elder brother of Krishna and slayer of several demons in the dwapara yuga, as the holder of that honour. Avatara No. 10 Kalki is likely to come into the world on a magnificent white stallion when the kali yuga is about to end. Some people believe it will happen in 2012 A.D. http://tinyurl.com/47ug4c. His mission statement? Destroy all the mleccha. http://tinyurl.com/3k26td & http://tinyurl.com/46b6lp. Free the world from the clutches of Kali, the very embodiment of strife. Re-establish the perfect dharma. Inaugurate a new time cycle of existence with a brand new satya yuga.

Faux pas.

Faux pas = (fashion) an error in style judgement; (social) gaffe, blunder, false step, embarrassing behaviour.

The Fake Steve Jobs ("Dude, I invented the friggin iPod. Have you heard of it?") http://tinyurl.com/2bockl reminds me for no reason at all of the fake Sachin Tendulkar, the fake Shah Rukh Khan, the fake Dev Anand and many other fakes scampering around close to home. They make a living and a career out of being someone else's faux avatar. To me, this tribe seems as nauseating and irritating as Austin Powers. FSJ is witty and funny, on the other hand. Unfortunately, on 5 August 2007, he was unmasked after surviving several attempts to find his real identity. New York Times Tech Correspondent Brad Stone must have left no stone unturned (pardon the pun, I just couldn't resist the temptation) to find who was behind the mask. http://tinyurl.com/yvcqlb. It turned out to be Daniel Lyons, Senior Editor, Forbes Magazine. Long before his FSJ incarnation, on 14 November 2005, Lyons wrote in his Forbes article (The Attack of the Blogs): "Blogs are the prized platform of an online lynch mob spouting liberty but spewing lies, libel and invective. Their potent allies in this pursuit include Google and Yahoo." http://tinyurl.com/68j5ry. Then why did he decide to join the mob? Maybe, he found the idea of writing anonymously too, too liberating and exhilarating. He indeed confessed that it was addictive. He even tried to relinquish it, according to his own admission, but just couldn't. His boss and Forbes publisher Richard Larlgaard saw his blog as "the most brilliant caricature of an important part of American culture that I’ve seen". In contrast, Joe Klein, the author of Primary Colours (1992), a roman à clef about US politics, was sacked by his the then employers, Newsweek, for not telling them he did it before telling the rest of the world. According to some, Klein is a serial liar. http://tinyurl.com/59m6ox. Be that as it may, even after the unmasking, Lyons continues to write under the FSJ id. In other words, he persists with a lie that, for all practical purposes, has now ceased to be anything but. Seems to me akin to a theodicean situation. This is a theological-philosophical polemic where the theologian-philosopher tries to reconcile the existence of evil and suffering in the world with the belief in an omniscient, omnipotent and omnibenevolent God. In short, the problem or conundrum of evil. http://www.problemofevil.org/. P.S.: By the way, last month, FSJ featured a Prabhu Deva video clip on his website, asking someone from India to explain what was going on. He thanked the person who offered a detailed annotated explanation including the cultural context. http://tinyurl.com/5oqzg3. Very decent of the bloke, must admit.

Oh, God!

An over-zealous public official believed in first-hand assessment of all his assignments. He always used to go out in the field for the purpose. Once he was touring a remote area and no sooner had he settled himself in the dak bunglow and had a cup of tea than he got into his Jeep and drove out to observe how things were in the vicinity. To his horror, he found signs of neglect and desolation all around him until he came to a plot of land which had been well developed into a pretty garden. He noticed a man puttering about inside. So he stopped the vehicle and walked to the fence. "Hello there," he bellowed. "God and you seem to have done a wonderful job with this garden." The man got up and came towards him. "Well, thank you, sir. It's kind of you to say so. But, really, you ought to have seen this place when God was in sole charge."

Let barking dogs bark. Even if it's in the dead of the night.

I read Mark Haddon’s The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time. The curious thing about it is that it’s labeled ‘Children’s Fiction’, even won the Whitbread Book of the Year Guardian Children’s Fiction Prize and the Booktrust Teenage Fiction Award last year. No, I don’t mean its winning all those prestigious awards is curious. I mean it being slotted as juvenile fiction. I know its chief protagonist is an autistic 15-year-old with Behavioural Problems and Level A High Math ambitions. The content is strictly grown-up, though, dude. Look at the question the child poses. Does God exist? What happens when you die? And, stuff like that. And, though his ‘model’ for the mystery novel he’s writing is The Hound of the Baskervilles, the dénouement is far from conventional. Haddon’s interview: http://www.powells.com/authors/haddon.html.

Does God love Page Three folks? Like the whole wide world?

Like virtue, celebrity is its own reward. And, it confers on (s)he who wears the mantle certain privileges. Not the least among these, I’m beginning to realize after regular perusal of Page Three and much thought, is the direct, one-to-one access to the Almighty. No kidding, folks. Here you have it straight from the horse’s (or, the mare’s) muzzle (name withheld to avoid physical and/or legal mayhem): “I’ve a direct,. one-to-one, very very special relationship with God. By now, we’re on a first-name basis. He calls me Skip. I call him Boss. He never refuses to take my call. We have long, rambling chats.” There you have it, the unvarnished truth. What did I tell you? All this has also made me understand why God doesn’t have time for us lesser mortals. Makes sense, no? Remember what Woody had to say on the subject? “Not only is there no God but try getting a plumber in Manhattan on weekends.” And: “Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.” And: “If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. ” http://www.lifeisajoke.com/woodyswit_html.htm. Also: “As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' – probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.” And: “How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?” http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Woody_Allen. P.S.: It’s a sobering thought, though, when you remember that Woody is a celeb himself. Well, he must be the exception that proves the rule. Gotcha! [Related link: http://popgoestheslop.blogspot.com/2006/05/are-page-three-lions-inveterate-lady.html]